The Anatomy of Argument, by Ann Berger, 2003

"A heavily researched document, "The Anatomy of Argument" not only captivates the mind and soul, but also leaves the reader awakened to the truths of humanity." -People

"Powerful." -Glamour

"Never before have I learned so much about the truth of men and women -not since Dynasty came onto the television scene in the 1980's." -Donald Rumsfeld, Offensive Defense Secretary I

The Anatomy of Argument

By Ann M. Berger

Case Study #1

Two women have a heated discussion over lunch. Tempers flare and feelings are hurt. They leave each other promising that their anger had ceased and their hearts aren't injured. So be it. Right? Wrong!

Let's examine the post-lunch scenario. One of the women, we'll refer to her as 'Betsy', goes home. While driving home, she revisits those angry words (seemingly far angrier now than during the actual fight) from lunch.

Feelings further injured, Betsy calls her sister, (incidentally, she has no clue who Betsy's friend is) other friends, possibly her mom and each time revisits, with increasing dramatics, the now full-blown dilemma. That evening she rehashes the event with her husband whom, for whatever reason, does not really listen. This upsets Betsy, and in a classic misguided fashion, she places the blame for her current injuries (inflicted by her husband's insensitivity, mind you) on her former friend, whom she now labels "enemy". Before going to bed, while journaling about the war of words, Betsy discovers that to her this friend is essentially "dead".

Two days later, Betsy is hanging out at Barnes and Noble. She sees a book that catches her eye entitled Women: The Secret Ties that Bind the Souls of Friends. For Life. For Eternity. Forever and Ever until a Natural Disaster Destroys all We Know and Everyone We Love by Sue Brown. I

Suddenly, she is reminded of her friend, her lost friendship, her lost soul mate. Betsy buys the book, two copies, in fact. She also picks up a greeting card to go with it. Not just any greeting card, but an overly dramatic greeting card. The kind that is so intensely overdone that when you read it, you forget why you got the card and who sent it.

Betsy offers the gift. Tears are shed. Their friendship is not only rekindled, both friends attest that the heated discussion brought them even closer together...until the next time they disagree.

Case Study #2

Two men have a heated discussion over beers at a sports bar. Four letter words are exchanged without grace or tact. Beers and a basket of fried things are consumed. Five minutes later the two men get up to leave with a "See ya later, dude!" and a "Yeah, I'll call ya!" Both men drive away and head home.

Let's examine the repercussions of this debate. In doing so, we will focus on one of the men whom we will refer to as 'Bill'. At home Bill's wife asks how his night out went with his friend. What did he do? What did they talk about?

Bill's mind goes blank. He wonders exactly what was discussed earlier that evening. Bill decides on a response to his wife's query 30 seconds later and replies, "We just watched the game. Had a few beers and.. some fried... stuff ..."

Bill and his wife head off to bed.

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