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The Joy of Driving, by Laurie Smith, 2003
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The evil twin. The stuff of
fantasy? Merely a device used in soap operas and pulp fiction? Strictly
for the purpose of adding suspense and intrigue, right? Wrong. I have an evil twin. I'll
bet you have one, too. Most people do. Maybe alter ego is a better word.
Whatever it is, this persona manifests itself every time I get behind the
wheel of my car. I can tell when she's ready to emerge because I sense a
dark cloud gathering over my head and I begin to feel a weight bearing
down on me. And a furrow begins to grow on my forehead. Evil Laurie, hereafter known as
EL, is impatient. Hello! Do you have mirrors? a gas pedal? etc. I'd like
to get to _______ (fill in the blank) today, if you don't mind and it's
not too much trouble! EL is sure every idiot on the road is there to
irritate her and impede her progress. Don't they know she has someplace to
be? She has to be reminded by Not-so-Evil Laurie, hereafter known as NSEL,
that everyone has someplace to be and is trying to get there as quickly
and safely as possible. EL is unkind Hey, Einstein! Turn
off/ on your blinker. Don't you know how to use that thing? What the heck
is that license plate supposed to mean? "I can't form a complete/
rational/ coherent thought?" Don't they know that the PRIVILEDGE of
driving should only be for those with at least a modicum of intelligence?
Often, NSEL has to step in and mention something about casting the first
stone. EL is mean. She tailgates the
person going 50 mph in the passing lane (50 for crying out loud!) and
rolls her eyes at them as she blows their doors off. Hello! Passing lane
is for passing! Passing lane -traveling lane. See the difference? Did
these people flunk Drivers' Ed? Again, NSEL must step in and remind EL
that the public roads are not her private domains, regardless of the fact
that she would prefer it that way. EL is sarcastic. Thanks for
sharing your music, Puff Daddy! How 'bout a little more bass? Hey, that
Calvin static sticker on your back window oozes class, man! If you're
retired you should not schedule appointments before 10 AM! Don't these
people stop and THINK? This time NSEL has to remind EL that we live in
America, where we have the right to choose our own music and how we
express ourselves politically. And. really, -vive le difference! How
boring life would be if we were carbon copies of each other. You know, sometimes NSEL makes
sense. And sometimes, EL even buys these arguments. Depending, of course,
on the time of day, traffic, which bridge she needs, schedules... |
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